Monday, 7 April 2008

Under pressure

Kendra finds the warehouse room empty again and after digging out the battered journal from her bag she leans down against the wall and sighs heavily as she begins to write.

Sometimes I'm glad I was kept away from a lot of this shit that goes on away from home, I'm beginning to see why Daddy likes to come home and just relax. It's been two days and I miss home so much, I wonder when Daddy will take us all back for a break.
I always knew my family was complicated but never really bugged Daddy about it too much, it seemed a lot of stuff happened in the past and it made him angry to think about it so I never really asked. Now I'm here and with Grandpa and Shika here it seems to have dredged up a lot of stuff. The worst part is, Bobo seems to have taken it upon himself to put right the wrongs of two generations past. He's my eternal pain in the ass but I love Bobo to death and it has hurt me so much today to watch him torment himself with his desire to make Daddy proud and to also put right what went wrong with Grandpa and his brother which took Daddy and Niyol out of the line for the leadership of Yazuka ... and also be true to who he really is. He has such a beautiful soul my Bobo, you can hear it most clearly when he plays piano, it's how he talks in a way and today I heard such pain... I had no idea what he's been going through since he left home with Daddy. I did what I could, I listened, I hugged and let him know I was there, I wish he would talk to Daddy though, I'm sure Daddy would tell him he IS proud of him.
Grandpa tried to help too ... it was nice to see him again... and ya know .. he's not nearly as stiff as I thought, not a big huggy type and I was good and did what I was told to do ... bow and be respectful and shit but he was real nice to me, maybe softening as he gets old .. maybe.. or Daddy was exageratting. Anyway he took us to his place a little out of town I was so glad to be there ... trees and grass and animals .. in a way it made me feel better, and in another it made me miss home even more. I'm really not sure I'll ever really be a city girl. there was water though ... a stream and a pond ..... but Grandpa understood I was afraid and didn't make me go close... I hate being so fuckin afraid of fuckin water. .. I felt so stupid just stood there and Niyol and Grandpa dived in and floated around. I called Daddy, I wanted him to come hug me and I wanted even more for Niyol to talk to him but he was too busy ... guess some things never change. Sigh.
I've been wondering around on my own since ... met a couple of women seemed nice enough but not sure they liked me .. seemed a little ... offish ... funny it never really bothered me so much at home that I never had friends.. I guess when there's not many people around it doesn't. It's morning now, didn't see Daddy at all yesterday... no idea if Niyol ever spoke to him cos I ain't seen him since we got back from Grandpa's. I hope Bobo feels better soon. My guitar just arrived, I had it couriered as I didn't wanna bring it myself and damage it ... be so good to sit and play with Niyol again like at home. We played the piano together yesterday but my heart is with the guitar.
Still no sign of construction workers where the Pool Hall is gonna be, Daddy must be about ready to explode. Wierd he's so much closer now and yet I still miss him.

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