Kendra's Little Tokyo Diary

2008-04-30T11:12:00.000-07:00

http://www.myheritage.com/collage

Secrets

2008-04-14T14:35:00.000-07:00

Me watches the door close as her Daddy leaves her in the room above the Pool Hall, she pulls out her journal, her face smiling, her heart still pounding as she begins to write.

If ever there was a week to make me the adult I will become this is it I think;

Leaving the Island, making a new start here, Niyol leaving and now.... now something I find so hard to put into words. I'm almost afraid to, if this was read by anyone and it was discovered the consequences could be ... deadly. No! I won't say. I will remember ... I will remember every single beautiful, blissful, wonderful moment that words would never do justice to anyway. Sorry journal, this one I'm keeping to myself.

she closes the book and smiles slipping it away in her pocket before skipping out and down to the bar.

Later in the day ....

Niyol is back ... this day couldn't be more perfect ... well ok if one little thing didn't have to happen to allow him to come back THAT would make it more perfect but the important thing is .. my family is whole again and I'm so very very happy.

Fathers and Sons

2008-04-13T19:01:00.000-07:00

Kendra curls up on the couch at the back of the Pool Hall, the bar is full but she needs a break. She rests her journal on her lap looking accross the bar at her Daddy and his old college buddy Alex and gives a soft smile before looking down and beginning to write.

I love my Daddy ... I love him more than anyone in the world but I don't understand how he could do this, how he could send his son, my brother away... how he could just deny him. My heart says he's probably hurting as much as me ...in fact I know he is ... I guess I'm being selfish I can't talk to him about this, I promised Niyol and I dont't know what to say anyway.

She's still here ... the one I wanted to kill ... and I still do... I don't know why I feel this way really I just hated her almost from the moment I laid eyes on her. Her name is Edna, apparently knew Daddy and Rena back in Midian. She had her hands all over him like she was his girlfriend or somethin .. even mom doesn't touch him that much and she made it pretty clear she doesn't like me. Mom said she was in love with Daddy, I'll fucking cut her into teeny pieces and feed her to Grandpa's fishes if she tries anything to split up Mom and Daddy I swear it. I know Daddy ain't no angel but he and Mom been through too much together to have some tired ole bitch decide she wants to reignite an old flame.
Daddy gave her a job at the bar, I'm just gonna try to not be workin when she is until I can talk to him alone.

I was dancing in the bar earlier .. god it felt good to just let lose for a while. The Daddy asked me to dance with him, I loved it ... I always forget how wonderful a dancer he is. I hope ... I really hope he never sends me away like Niyol .. I think I'll die.

Some guy just appeared, called Alex, went to college with Daddy apparently ... nice lookin but all cybernetics like Daddy, I wonder if it's a result of all those drugs he talked about?

Niyol let me know he was ok ... I miss him.

Daddy's gonna fight, a challenge for a new Hound, the first I get to see .. gotta go.

After the fight Kendra returns to the corner, looking up to see her Daddy in her Mom's embrace and Edna patching up the new Hound Raven before turning her eyes back down to the notebook

Back now ... got a new Hound, dude called Raven.

I know Daddy likes to fight ... I know he's damn good at it too... but I hated watching ... and he wasn't really hurt bad this time, didn't need me to fix him up at all. Guess I'm scared of losing him too. I really don't know what I'd do if I didn't have him around, I can't even imagine it. Mom worries too I know, she just doesn't show it the same. That Silent Strength, I expect if I'd been really hers I'd have it too .. instead I gotta fight myself to not shout out or get involved, expect I get that from Angie from what I've been told.
Maybe Daddy and I should train together in the park sometime... I'll suggest that to him.
Anyway, I hope Niyol is ok. I hope he's found someplace to stay. I hope he'll come home soon.

Ripped apart

2008-04-12T23:03:00.001-07:00

Kendra goes back up the warehouse, running her hands over her brother's Piano before pulling out her Journal, tears she'd promised him she wouldn't shed slipping from her eyes onto the paper as she writes.

I hurt ... I don't know how to describe how much I hurt.

I don't know how it happened .. one minute everything was ok then suddenly Daddy was throwing Bobo out of the bar and denying he had son. I'm more lost than ever; my family, the one thing I always had, is ripped apart. Daddy is hurting too I know .. and Bobo. I want to help them to make them smile and want to be together again but I just hurt so much I can't find words. If Daddy tells me I can't talk to him I think I'll fall apart.

Bobo said he has to find his own way and he was going to find a job, he promised me he wouldn't leave town and I made him promise to call me every day so I know he's OK. He seemed so grown up all of a sudden as he walked away it made me realise I'm really just a kid.

I wanted to kill today .. not an animal like at home but I wanted to kill an actual human being, truth is I still do.

I can't write more right now ... I just hurt too much the paper's getting all wet.

Homesick yet at home

2008-04-11T17:48:00.000-07:00

Kendra sneaks into the room above the newly built Pool Hall laying down her guitar and pulls her journal from her bag placing it on the desk there she smiles as the desk reminds her of the one in her Daddy's library at home. She sits down taking a pen and after sighing deeply begins to write.

I wanna go home... yet everything that makes home home .... Daddy, Niyol, Rena... they're all here so maybe I AM home.

Everything is so much more different than I thought it'd be. I can't believe I miss the feeling of grass under my bare feet or the sound of birds waking me up at the crack of dawn but I do miss that so much. I know I could go to Grandpa's place but it's not the same .... just like home wasn't the same when everyone left to come here; the grass and and birds and the trees were still there but it wasn't the same without them. I guess I want the best of both worlds.

Daddy told me today he's bought some country land just outta town a few acres and he's having the whole house moved there next week, I'm so glad, maybe then I'll feel more settled, right now it's real hard to call this place home when I'm sleeping on a warehouse floor and living out of a bag.

Daddy was fixing up his bike yesterday and watching him brought back so many memories of the hours and hours I've spent watching him do that, listening as he taught me what went where and what the parts were called and how to make it all work. I love being around him again though, and I'm glad I'll see more of him now I'm living where he works .. he's letting me work in the bar too and says I can perform there ... if I don't wear short skirts HAHA! So I went shopping today for new "City" clothes, I say "City" clothes cos the clothes he's been complaining about are the same clothes Ive been wearing at home without a word for the past few years ... guess it's only a problem now cos people outside the family can see. Ah well, I'd rather make him happy than not I really hate it when he's mad at me or I upset him accidentally....

I think I did that, upset him that is, I need to talk to him alone but the bar was so busy today and there was so many strange people and still don't like being round strangers it was real tough to not hide behind Daddy like I used to when I was a kid. Maybe when we have our house and we're all living together again it'll be easier to get him alone. I really miss our alone chats. I'm glad he lets me hug him lots here like at home though, I was worried he wouldn't cos he has to be The Canis and stuff and I think that would have broken me if I couldn't but YAY I can so that's good. It's weird this wanting to be grown up and do my own thing but I still wanna be his baby girl always.

Met cousin Angel again ... Geez she's gonna get me in trouble I can tell ya. Briefly met cousin Kisho, kinda quiet Japanese cowboy HAHA. Niyol talked to Daddy too, and he said it's all good and I'm so glad for him.

Talked to some girl who seemed interested in Niyol, she'd better be good to him or I'll gut her myself.

Ya know I was thinking. I don't know why Daddy is so worried about be being with boys, there ain't a man I've met yet who can hold a candle to him and I ain't accepting anything less.

Under pressure

2008-04-07T02:32:00.000-07:00

Kendra finds the warehouse room empty again and after digging out the battered journal from her bag she leans down against the wall and sighs heavily as she begins to write.

Sometimes I'm glad I was kept away from a lot of this shit that goes on away from home, I'm beginning to see why Daddy likes to come home and just relax. It's been two days and I miss home so much, I wonder when Daddy will take us all back for a break.
I always knew my family was complicated but never really bugged Daddy about it too much, it seemed a lot of stuff happened in the past and it made him angry to think about it so I never really asked. Now I'm here and with Grandpa and Shika here it seems to have dredged up a lot of stuff. The worst part is, Bobo seems to have taken it upon himself to put right the wrongs of two generations past. He's my eternal pain in the ass but I love Bobo to death and it has hurt me so much today to watch him torment himself with his desire to make Daddy proud and to also put right what went wrong with Grandpa and his brother which took Daddy and Niyol out of the line for the leadership of Yazuka ... and also be true to who he really is. He has such a beautiful soul my Bobo, you can hear it most clearly when he plays piano, it's how he talks in a way and today I heard such pain... I had no idea what he's been going through since he left home with Daddy. I did what I could, I listened, I hugged and let him know I was there, I wish he would talk to Daddy though, I'm sure Daddy would tell him he IS proud of him.
Grandpa tried to help too ... it was nice to see him again... and ya know .. he's not nearly as stiff as I thought, not a big huggy type and I was good and did what I was told to do ... bow and be respectful and shit but he was real nice to me, maybe softening as he gets old .. maybe.. or Daddy was exageratting. Anyway he took us to his place a little out of town I was so glad to be there ... trees and grass and animals .. in a way it made me feel better, and in another it made me miss home even more. I'm really not sure I'll ever really be a city girl. there was water though ... a stream and a pond ..... but Grandpa understood I was afraid and didn't make me go close... I hate being so fuckin afraid of fuckin water. .. I felt so stupid just stood there and Niyol and Grandpa dived in and floated around. I called Daddy, I wanted him to come hug me and I wanted even more for Niyol to talk to him but he was too busy ... guess some things never change. Sigh.
I've been wondering around on my own since ... met a couple of women seemed nice enough but not sure they liked me .. seemed a little ... offish ... funny it never really bothered me so much at home that I never had friends.. I guess when there's not many people around it doesn't. It's morning now, didn't see Daddy at all yesterday... no idea if Niyol ever spoke to him cos I ain't seen him since we got back from Grandpa's. I hope Bobo feels better soon. My guitar just arrived, I had it couriered as I didn't wanna bring it myself and damage it ... be so good to sit and play with Niyol again like at home. We played the piano together yesterday but my heart is with the guitar.
Still no sign of construction workers where the Pool Hall is gonna be, Daddy must be about ready to explode. Wierd he's so much closer now and yet I still miss him.

Out in the big bad world

2008-04-06T00:55:00.000-07:00

Kendra Yoshikawa pulls her battered journal out of her holdall and finds a pen. Laying down on her stomach on the bed in the warehouse Shika had let her crash in she found a clean page and after a few moments of chewing thoughtfully on the end of the pen began to write...

It's official, I'm gonna be a fucking nun!

I was so excited when Daddy called and finally said I could go stay with them in Little Tokyo, and now ... I dunno, it's gonna be tough.
I hated the journey there, the subway was the worst, really didn't like being underground at all and was so glad to finally step out above ground only to find it all so fucking dark!! I think it'll take me a while to get used to not being surrounded by trees and fresh air.

Kinda glad I found Daddy so quickly after that although I doubt there's much anyone there could do to hurt me much, least not without one hell of a fight....

Thing is... all those years of Rena Mom and Daddy and Niyol showing me how to fight and protect myself and now, when I'm finally let out into the big bad world they wrap me in cotton wool and I ain't even given a chance to say hi to a guy before he's warned off me and threatened with death! Geez! I'm fucking 17 years old and I ain't gonna be allowed any friends at this rate!

It was good to see Daddy again though and give him lots of hugs... I missed him like crazy... I know he means the best and wants to look after me and I love him more than anything for it, just drives me nuts sometimes. I need to find my way here, let people know I ain't some fragile doll and he ain't gonna make it easy but well ... when it comes to Daddy I just can't get mad for too long dammit! He's be best man I know.

And Niyol... damn that boy gets bigger every time I see him! Like climbing a fucking mountain jumping on his back now! Must have been working out lots too while they've been away ... more and more like Daddy every day but still My Bobo deep inside and I adore that! I know it's tough for him, Daddy's shoes are big and a lot of people expect him to fill them but I know my bro will find his own way and do his best to keep Daddy proud on the way. I think he's gonna be worse than Daddy for keeping the guys away though... sigh. Just cos he can't ask for a girl's number don't mean I gotta be all virtuous too. It ain't like I'm gonna just go with just any guy, I ain't dumb, but it's fun to flirt and play a little.... definitely gonna have to talk to him.

Only saw Rena Mom briefly before I came here to crash, was so tired after the journey, missed her too .. even if she's STILL getting on at me about my language ... HAHA! Don't know when she's gonna just realise I'm Daddy's girl through and though and give it up. I love her to bits though and a part of me does wish I was more like her... she has this ... silent power ... it's hard to describe... she doesn't say much but she seems so strong. Anyway I'm glad for her everyday I think about my "real" mom...well what Daddy told me about her anyway since I don't remember ... she's not the woman I wanna be and sometimes I feel myself losing control like Daddy said she did and I hate it ... I have to catch myself real quick and pull myself back in... I don't want Daddy hating me like her. I almost lost it tonight .. maybe cos I was tired I don't know but all the damn bugging me about my clothes and then threatening any male who came within 100 yards just made me wanna scream... got it just in time though. I know Daddy would beat me all the way back home and locked in me in the goddamn attic if I hadn't and disrespected him in front of people.

He said something tonight that made me wonder if he's just waiting for me to turn into her. Talking about some guy in a suit, didn't get his name, around my age, nice looking too, apparently related somehow. His mom I think was called Sakito and his Pa some dude called Kron, seemed Daddy and Kron used to be best friends ... like Daddy and Uncle Janus now but this Sakito woman stole him away. Seems Sakito tried to kill Angie Mom too once... I wonder if there's anyone out there who doesn't hate her. Anyway, this kid, a cousin or something probably seemed to want to make good with Grandpa, but Daddy don't trust him cos of his ma. I said it ain't his fault who is ma is .. just like it ain't mine and Daddy said "The apple dun fall far from the tree".. sigh. I'm gonna have to do my best to keep reminding him that this apple fell from HIS tree and not Angie's although some of her roots might have joined with his.

So Shika let me stay in this warehouse, poor Daddy, his bar ain't built yet, some trouble with construction workers or something but it's gonna be awesome and I gotta make myself useful an get to know the place I guess... and get used to it being so fucking dark... anyway I'm beat... gotta crash!